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040 – Screw the Kids…This is Our Marriage

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Are you focusing more on your kids than on your spouse?  It’s time to teach yourselves and the kids that they are not the center of the universe. It is so easy to get wrapped up in what the kids need that we lose sight of what our marriage needs and our spouse needs. When the marriage is strong the family is strong. What changes can you do this week that will have a lasting affect?

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Comments

  1. Kent & Jennifer says:

    Guys, I needed this today. I am feeling like the third wheel today. Our priorities are all screwed up and I don’t know where to start to fix it.

    • Kent – I don’t know if I have all the answers, but I think your plan of action would be to have a good talk with Jennifer first. It might take a couple of talks to determine where you stand in the marriage. After you have worked most of it out I would sit down with the kids and let them know that there are going to be some changes. I can’t say what those are. That’s up to you guys and I know you will make the best decision for your entire family. They may not like it, but if you present it in a way where they can see how it benefits everyone I would think they would appreciate your honesty with them. Hope this is a bit of encouragement on a day like today for you.

      Blessings.

  2. I REALLY NEED to listen to these more! Thanks Tony and Alisa for all you do to make a positive difference in marriages. You are doing a MUCH needed service. You are both AWESOME!!!

    -Archie

  3. Julie Sibert says:

    Great podcast. In the conversations I have (and in the emails I receive), I think this is a huge issue in many marriages. I echo to the people with whom I speak MANY of the points you bring up — that the marriage needs to come first, that the kids need to see this, that this is the VERY BEST thing a couple can do to help their kids feel secure, etc. You are spot on! Thanks for speaking truth — much needed (even though a lot of couples… particularly a lot of mothers… resist putting the marriage first).

    • Can you respond to this when you have a chance.

    • Julie, thank you for your encouragement. As a mother it’s not easy to keep the priorities straight but it really does make all the difference in the world. I have seen too many marriages fall into difficulty when the kids are put in first position. It’s good to know that there are others out there like yourself who are saying these same things to help marriages become stronger.

  4. I just discovered your podcasts a few weeks ago and am listening to them all and am slowly catching up to the present.
    After age 9, I was raised in a step-family (like the Brady Bunch, except we weren’t as good-looking). I remember my mom and step-dad always sat together in Church. We kids sat on either side of them but never in between them. I think they were wise to do that. They are still married after 45 years!
    I and my wife sit together at Church now, except we let a child sit between us when they are little.

    • That is very cool to hear Alan. We model to our kids what marriage looks like. I’m sure as you sat there in church many years ago on one side or the other you saw the love your folks had for each other. To do the same now is leaving a legacy that your kids will be able to follow when they get married.

      Blessings.

  5. Elizabeth L says:

    Hi Alisa & Tony! I am so addicted to your podcasts now! I found it last week and I started listening from Ep. 1. I am so happy with this podcast topic! There are so many times that I have told myself and my friends that my marriage comes first before my kids I have gotten the craziest looks and even criticized!
    NOW, if only I had remembered my vow of that instead of letting it slip away. Maybe we wouldn’t have had the issues in our marriage we have had…
    Anyway, loving everything I have heard so far and can’t wait to catch up!
    PS Don’t be surprised if I go back an comment on the blog posts as I go along!

    • Awesome Elizabeth!!! We are so excited to have you as part of the ONE family. Glad you enjoyed this show and the looks and criticism you get isn’t going to go away. Alisa had the opportunity to speak to 16 moms this morning on this very topic. Many of them were tracking with her and yet there were some who through she was out of her mind.

      We have seen what happens when husband and wife pour everything into their kids and then the kids leave. Husband and wife have nothing in common and then they end the marriage.

      It doesn’t have to be this way. Actually we believe couples can grow closer together after kids and solidify their marriage during these years. This way when the kids leave there is a new adventure waiting for both of them.

      Keep commenting as we love to hear how you are being impacted.

      Love you guys.

  6. Stephanie says:

    This is such an important topic to my husband and me. We are both pretty weary from dealing with our son. It would seem easy with an only child, but it’s not. I assure you, one child fills a house! Needless to say, I think it requires more of a parenting style change to adopt these priorities so the kids don’t run the house and ruin the marriage. Could you speak more to the specific techniques you use to keep your marriage first? I appreciate them doing their own laundry as they are older. What do you do when the child is clingy? Do you begin some designated quiet time in their rooms each day so they can play on their own better?
    Thanks for the great podcast you have created!

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  1. [...] We’re sure you love your kids as much as we love ours, but kids can throw a serious kink into your sex life. [...]

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