Editor’s Note: Today’s post comes from someone like you:
Anita Kane Heath is an artistic, pensive, reading, movie watching, road trippin’ and beach combing wife of a smokin’ hot fireman/paramedic and mother of three very unique and wonderful tweens who constantly teach her more ways to be a better person. Being born in Winnemucca, Nevada she has spent most of her life in the land of the midnight sun faking her way through the long winters and cherishing the brief but delightful summers.
Recently I was reading, or rather browsing a book called, “Undateable” by Ellen Rakieten and Anne Coyle. The whole idea behind the book is to show pictures of and talk about the undesirable qualities in a potential date from a female perspective. To say that the book is funny is an understatement! I laughed a lot while perusing “Undateable” but I couldn’t help asking myself what, if any of the things pointed out in the book do I find unattractive in a spouse? To my amazement, most of the things that stuck out to me had to do with manners.
Here are a few of the things from a woman’s perspective that stuck out to me:
1. Bad Table Manners. I am not looking for a guy who could put Martha Stewart to shame here, but I can really appreciate a man who places his napkin on his lap, chews with his mouth closed, doesn’t talk his mouth full, only uses his fingers when it is actually finger food he is eating and goes to the restroom to blow or pick his nose. This is not rocket science here guys!
2. Twirl your mustache, chew on your soul patch, finger comb your goatee. These are not things that should ever be done at the table! By all means, wipe food off your face with your napkin, but save the grooming for another time.
3. Text, E-Mail or taking personal calls on a date (even when it is with your spouse). Nothing says “you don’t really matter enough to give my undivided attention” like any one of these. Unless it is an emergency, turn the blackberry off or at least put it on vibrate. If you must take or make a call, please excuse yourself from the table and hurry back when you are done. Do you really want to leave your spouse unaccompanied on a date?
4. Rearrange your junk in public. This is another no brainer…go to the restroom to get yourself together.
5. Showing up for a date under dressed. If we take the time to look gorgeous for you, please have the courtesy to do the same for us. Taking that extra few minutes to shave, put on deodorant and brush your teeth goes miles with the ladies guys!
Our spouses see the best and worst of us each and everyday. It takes genuine effort on each person’s part to make the other person feel valued and cherished. Showing some basic manners on your next date or even at the next family meal will win her over guaranteed! Now about that happy ending……
Which manners do you expect during date night?
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Great job Anita! No. 4 had me laughing. (What…you mean we're not supposed to do that???)
Awesome! Number 3 is a BIG one for all of us all the time and especially on dates! No phones on dates has been fun for me and my wife (and challenging at times). Number 4 I don't think should count b/c we didn't know anyone else noticed. We'll try to work on it.
Deacon,
What a great idea to have no phones on dates! I definitely think that this is something Tony and I will have to try on our next date night.
Alisa
I have to say that I think it's funny that you both commented on #4. It's crazy what we women pick up on.
Alisa
It is funny how we all have gotten so used to being continuously connected through technology. We don't even realize how unimportant we can make our spouses feel when they cannot get our undivided attention…….if we look at each of those texts, tweets and calls the same way we would see a person interrupting our conversation I think we would all make some needed changes!
~Deacon, did you and your wife have a certain date that went wrong because of the cell phone issue? If so, please share:)
LOL Ron! That is another thing that is a part of a great date….humor and laughter!
I know that many guys do this without even being conscious of it, but it really is awkward for us ladies!
So true Alisa. I wonder what guys pick up on that we are unaware of…..
I heard someone say that they noticed that every time they walked past a large storefront window with their spouse, she would always check herself out!
Love this post Anita. OK, so we do go on dates as much as possible, but I need to make some changes when we are on them.
1. I play with my soul patch. Either twirling it or bitting it with my teeth. To tell you the truth this is something I do most days. I need to work on this for everyones sake.
2. The phone needs to stay home. I do like tweeting or FBing folks when we are on a date, but I know this irks Alisa.
3. Now moving the junk in public is a necessity at times, but I guess I can go to the restroom next time.
Thanks again for this great post Anita.
-Tony
By all means, if it is absolutely necessary to adjust in public….go ahead, but try and make it less obvious:)
The soul patch issue is something my honey has a problem with too, it is kinda a weird habit like biting nails. I personally love B's soul patch and goatee, but I could do without him chewing on it:)
LOL!
One of the first few dates we went on (so I was still pretty nervous!) I picked her up right on time as usual. I made sure to get number 5 (above) right, opened doors for her, and generally worked really hard to impress her. On the way to the restaurant she took a phone call from an old friend that ended up lasting forever! Not gonna lie, it was disappointing after I'd been working so hard! The good news is we talked about it later that night and it really set the tone for being extra respectful going forward.
We're not always so hard core about turning OFF the phones, but we are very conscious of each other in those situations.
Thanks for sharing with us!
I'm not sure I am observant enough to find the quirks or there just aren't any. I know on thing that Anita hates to do in public is sneezing, but I like to hear her sneeze, it sounds so cute, like a little rabbit or mouse sneeze.
I am guilty of way too many of these.
I think any effort that we make to in regards to our spouse are not in vain…maybe you could ask your wife if any of these things in particular bother her and work on just that thing.
Thx for the encouragement. My comment was sort of in jest…just commenting
that I'm dumb but my wife still loves me. Really though, I do appreciate
the encouragement.
Someone commented to me that they think men are irritated by having to wait for women to get ready etc.
~What do you think?
Actually the soul patch is not such a big deal to me. As I hardly notice that Tony does it most of the time. However the phone is another story. I'm looking forward to our next date without it. And the junk well…
Alisa
I'd love to hear the male version of the Top 5 Ways that Women can ruin a date. Any takers to write that blog?
Alisa
Brian, thanks for sharing this. It's nice to hear that something that she doesn't like to do is cute to you.
Alisa
I think there are irritating habits on both sides and we are fortunate that our spouse are able to tolerate a lot. It's nice to see everyone comment on this topic and bring a lot of these habits to the forefront so that we can talk about them and find ways to not be so irritating to our spouses.
Alisa
I can think of another one – a husband who has nothing to say! It's important to be engaged in conversation and not just a listener. Don't you think? My husband and I have observed couples out for dinner who never say a word. Now certainly there are times to just enjoy “being together when words aren't necessary”. But so many times these couples look bored! Going prepared with a few good questions to ask your spouse will go a long way in helping your date night succeed! Here's a good one: What one thing do I do that makes you feel loved? We offer a lot more “questions to ask” on our blog. It's under the “Soil Samples” tab.
Great post – I'm hoping to hear from the guys on how women can ruin a date! However, my husband doesn't seem to notice my bad habits as much as I do his! Is that true for the rest of you?
Debi
Debi,
Great observation about couples who have nothing to say and seem bored with each other. At low points in our marriage we have been that couple. I know that we would have benefited from having questions like you have under “Soil Samples” or the 77 Questions to get the conversation started under our resources tab. http://www.oneextraordinarymarriage.com/wp-cont… It's a great idea to have a few questions “in your pocket” just in case.
Interesting thought that perhaps our husbands are not noticing our habits as much as we notice theirs. Perhaps we are just more vocal about it.
Alisa
That is something that my husband and I have noticed when we have been out on dates…other couples who don't speak to each other. I can honestly say that is one area that we have never struggled because we always seem to have a lot to talk about…for me it is a challenge to not bring up the kids since I am largely a stay at home mom! My husband and I are truly best friends as well as lovers and I cannot over emphasize how important communication is in a marriage! Not just going down the to do list, but truly engaging in conversations that will bring you closer to each other…..don't forget the laughter!