I have to be honest with all of you today: we post new blogs on Tuesday and just this past Saturday night, as we were getting ready for bed (about 11pm) Tony looked over at me and asks if I can write the blog post for this week. Icalmly told him that I would do my best but I wasn’t making any promises. Why? Because I have “sooo” much on my plate. I rattled off everything that I had to do between now and when he asked for this to be done, Monday morning. I don’t know if I was trying to sound important or justify my activity compared to his, but I just did it. Then he calmly responded, ” Well, keep me posted and I’ll try to think of something if you can’t do it.” End of story.
Except it wasn’t the end of the story. I realized something as I listened to him sleep, something that I struggle with A LOT: selfishness and priorities that are out of whack.
Tony does a lot for our family. He’s been the sole provider since Alex was born, 7 years now. He protects me from the aspects of his business that I don’t really need to know, we agreed to this. He plays with the kids and is very involved in raising them. He is the technical/behind the scenes guy for everything that you see on this website, coordinating with all of those people that we work with to make ONE a resource for marriages. Ultimately, he is a godly man who strives everyday to live as God would have him live.
I have a tendency to compare my activities to his work, justifying that I am doing so much. I find myself struggling to do the things that I want to do versus those things that I should be doing to improve my relationships, not just with my family but with God. Instead of having a top down focus: God, Spouse, Kids, Work, Everything Else. I’m often upside down and all over the place. I’ll get sucked into being on Facebook, wasting hours “catching up”, checking my email, or surfing the internet. I love to read and sometimes I want to do that instead of what I need to be doing to make our life function as best it could. When my priorities are out of whack so is our marriage and family life. I find that my selfishness leads to more conflict between me and Tony and me and the kids. I am more irritable and short tempered because I’m not getting what I want…not much different than our 4 year old. Sad isn’t it.
The solution is so simple in theory but requires focus and determination. I have to put God first, then Tony and then my kids-only then do I have time for work and all of the “other stuff”. It starts with me reading my Bible and spending time with God, in prayer. Then I need to focus on Tony, having more than just a surface relationship with him. My kids come after God and Tony, it’s important for them to know that these other two relationships are important. Finally the other stuff (work, friendships, computer time, etc.) comes in last, when my primary relationships have been taken care of.
Is it easy? No, but I know that when my focus is in the right place my life seems to work so much better.
What is the order of your priorities right now?
~God
~Kids
~Spouse
~Other Activities
~Work
What priorities do you need to reorganize to get them in order?
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Alisa~
Thank you for this reminder. It is so true and so easy to get into the habit of … oh reading and commenting on blogs for example.
Suddenly hours have passed, work that should have been done wasn't, and things that are priority were not addresses. God, Dear Hubby, children.
Cindy,
I'm guilty of losing lots of hours on the computer doing things that might not be all that important and am constantly a work in progress on keeping my priorities straight. Thank you for affirming that I'm not the only one.
Alisa
- Gary
- Saving money
- Fixing up the yard
- Growing my blog
- Getting accepted to school
- Finding a job
Maybe finding a job should be higher on the list, but it's hard to be motivated to find a good job when what I really expect is to be starting school in 6 months. So as long as we're unemployed, the yard gets out attention and we do it as cheaply as possible.
Kate,
Thank you so much for sharing your priorities with us. I had the opportunity to check out your blog and love how you are sharing the everyday life of being newlyweds. It's great to see Gary ahead of all of your other priorities because even with so much going on it is critical to your marriage that he be ahead of all of the other “stuff”. Good luck on getting accepted to school.
Alisa
I like seeing that you put Tony above the kids. I think a lot of people are shocked when I say that about my life, but I think that the family as a whole and even the kids in particular benefit the most from this order of priorities. I tell my husband, “You’re my favourite… don’t tell the kids!”
I confess that my other priorities are often out of line. Like many people, I spend too much time doing unimportant stuff on the computer, and I definitely don’t make enough time for just me and God. Even knowing the situation’s screwed up doesn’t help me fix it. I’ll get there, though.
Kathleen,
I love your line “You’re my favorite…don’t tell the kids!” What a wonderful way to let your husband know that he is number one with you. Your confession resonates with me as I am often guilty of those same things and constantly have to work to turn of the computer, be present with my kids, and most importantly spend time with God. Being conscious of the situation is a step in the right direction because it’s convicting you on the choices that you make-it happens to me all the time! Just keep taking it one day at a time.
Alisa