Editor’s Note: “Your Marriage” is about you! A place where we hear about the highs and lows on marriage and what you do to make it extraordinary. If you would like to tell us about Your Marriage please email us at info@oneextraordinarymarriage.com.
We’ve been asked to discuss blended families, but honestly we don’t have the life experience to share. This is where Michele and Rich come in. They are a blended family and know first hand what it means to bring together two families into one. We would like to thank Michelle and Rich for sharing their story on what it means to be committed to each other in blended marriage with us and the ONE Community. Please leave your comments below.
We blend intimacy into our marriage, just like we are blending our family.
I found One Extraordinary Marriage by searching “Marriage and Intimacy” on ITunes. I had been in a discussion with my husband, Rich, one night. I had poured out my heart to him; I needed more of his attention and felt guilty for asking. I am grateful that Rich is with me on a daily basis, a true partner in crime. I pray for all those whose spouses are in the military or work away from home. How can I have the nerve to say I miss my husband when we live in the same house and we see each other everyday? Those who know Rich and I, see our busy life and wonder how we do it all. We have 5 kids, coach sports, sit on boards for our community, both work full time outside the home, and still we have time for church, our kids, our families, vacations, hobbies, and occasionally we steal time for each other.
We have only been married for one year and have only known each other for a few years. So, how did we have five kids already? Well, Rich was married for 15 years to Ruth. Their marriage ended in divorce. Soon after the divorce, Ruth was killed in a car accident leaving behind their three children. I met Rich a month after he lost his ex-wife. Rich and I married a little over a year after we started dating. I had been married before, to Tolly, for 11 years. Tolly fathered my two children and soon after our 10th wedding anniversary a mutual divorce was filed. Rich has told me many times, “Michelle, I know I’m not your first, but I will be your last.”
Not being our first marriage, Rich and I started our relationship with a lot of baggage. Emotional intimacy is by far our biggest hurdle. Issues come up from our past marriages, different childhoods and our previous dating relationships. We carry mistrust around like it’s a third arm, something we live with but are embarrassed to show at parties. The main reason our marriage and family works is…God. Emotions weigh Rich and I down. Regret, guilt, doubt, these feelings are oh so heavy. When all else fails our spiritual intimacy binds our marriage together. We live a good life. Our children are so happy, and our marriage is very healthy. God, Rich, and I are partners, working side by side towards common goals.
Our other levels of intimacy, we work on them. We mesh 95% on most levels. Rich would probably say 97%. We have similar jobs, similar pay, and manage our budget together (financial intimacy). We are both engineers and have deep conversations till the wee hours of the morning (intellectual intimacy). When the time comes for the physical sparks to fly, sucka you better back up (physical intimacy). Grrrr, the recreational intimacy needs work. I bet you’re thinking..uhhh when do you guys have time for recreation? My butt thinks that same thing. We work on the levels that need work and cherish the levels where we are so compatible. It’s hard to take off our masks and let the each other inside the walls we had to build to survive our past broken relationships. It’s not fair to him. It’s not fair to me. It’s not fair…it’s love. I enjoy One Extrodinary Marriage podcasts, because Tony and Alisa remind me to stay focused on love through open communication.
Our marriage must sound very complicated, well, it is. There are in-laws, ex-laws, and sometimes out-laws. There’s five kids, a beloved lost mother, two divorces, three different campuses, six plus sports, the ex-factor, four or more bank accounts, multiple work and community issues, the list goes on. Somehow we blend intimacy into our marriage, just like we are blending our family. I don’t like step-family or blended family. We will never be blended, always blending. There are no steps in our family… just what is and what is not. Our past relationships and busy lives have a huge impact on our marriage. As my husband and I were talking the other night, God made man then woman. He let them be alone and then gave them children through the woman. Rich and I didn’t have the traditional courting and marriage. God gave Rich Ruth first, and they were alone, and then they had children. God gave me Tolly first, we were alone, and then we had children.
When God gave me Rich…He also gave me Rich’s children and Rich’s past…He gave Rich my children and my past…instantly. I wonder what it was like for Joseph to be a Step-Dad to the Savior? I wouldn’t change my life for the world. From the beginning, Rich and I have made our marriage a family affair. Even our wedding; our children were the only people standing beside Rich and I. We all had vows. We all made promises to each other and our family. Rich and I try to maintain balance, try to take down our guards, and blend intimacy into our lives. I have to remind myself to cut us some slack, because we are doing so well with our Father’s help. Look at us…our marriage is one extraordinary marriage. We have one extraordinary family, and one extraordinary life.
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I worked with Michelle for a little over a year. I will say I know her better than I do Rich. I can honestly say I have seen some of how they coordinate and blend, and it’s amazing. I’m really proud of you, Michelle, for sharing ONE Extraordinary Marriage with me, I’m a new podcast listner and I’m loving it! I’m also impressed and proud that you shared your Brady Bunch like stroy with everyone! You are an amazing Godly woman and I know that makes you a wonderful asset to your great family!